What the Bible Says about Dealing with Difficult People

My first encounter with a difficult person really baffled me. I was shocked by his sudden display of anger and belligerent behavior. I was paralyzed and dumbfounded.

The meeting could not end soon enough.

I gathered my notebook and hurried to my car. I was a short distance, just two miles from my office.

But I could not wait to speak to my boss.

I spoke into my cell phone with my voice cracking, my eyes flooding with tears and my head racing, “Hello, I have a problem.” 

Everyone has to deal with a difficult person at some point in life. Difficult people come in many forms … bullies, complainers, criticizers, people pleasers and even sabotagers.

It is important to realize this so you can be prepared and ready to respond constructively, not destructively.

What is the right thing to do when dealing with a difficult person?

You may want to clap back, push back or fight back. You might even wish you could zap the person and they suddenly disappear. Stop and think about it. What does this behavior really accomplish?

Sometimes the best response is to engage in a crucial conversation. At other times it may be to walk away from the situation.

In either case, I believe it is imperative to maintain self-control.

Learning to guard your emotions, choose your words carefully and respond with compassion is an art. It must be practiced in order to be perfected.

Practicing compassion may not be enough. Dealing with difficult people is a mental exercise. Your response is driven by your perspective of other people. As the saying goes, it is mind over matter.

When you value and respect people, especially those who are being difficult, you are empowered to rise above the experience, disarm the difficult person and focus on resolving the conflict.

I have found the best way to deal with difficult people is to lean on Scripture. The Word leads us to love, encourage and build up others. It teaches us to be peacemakers.

Daily mediation on Scripture will help you internalize these commands.
Over time you will believe them to be the best course of action. The more exposed to the Scriptures you are, the more likely your actions will reflect these Christian principles when tested.

What does the Bible say about dealing with difficult people?

I’ve compiled a brief list of Scriptures to help you become more skillful in dealing with difficult people.

1. Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs. Proverbs 10:12
2. Let us encourage one another. Hebrews 10:25
3. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8
4. Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters.  James 5:9
5. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
6. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23
7. Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Romans 14:19
8. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1
9. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6
10. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:44-45

What Scripture have you found helpful to refer to when dealing with a difficult person? Please share your thoughts in the comments section, I’d love to hear from you.