Forgive and Forget

Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.
~ William Arthur Ward

I remember feeling hurt by a friend or one of my brothers as a kid. The predominant thought and reactive saying was, “I forgive you, but I will not forget what you have done.”

Fake forgiveness.

It seemed unfair, I even thought it was outright mean to be instructed by my mother to forgive the person. I did not want to forgive.

Why should I forgive when clearly it was the other person who has done wrong?

Worse, my words “I forgive you” often seemed to follow an insincere, “I’m sorry” or “I didn’t mean it.” I wanted to debate and say “No, you’re not” or “Yes, you did.” Anything, but forgive and especially forget.

Yet, I must recall those times, when I was the offender. I was the one who hurt or harmed someone and, in that moment, I needed forgiveness. I needed assurance that our friendship, our relationship was whole—or at the very least salvageable.

I needed forgiveness as much as I needed to forgive.

Forgiveness is a two-way street. There are moments when we need to extend forgiveness to someone. And there are moments when we need someone to forgive us.

And with that forgiveness is our capacity to forget.

We may struggle with forgiveness until we understand the importance it plays in healthy relationships and the root of all forgiveness which is love.

To say, “I forgive you,” and to harbor that experience is not forgiveness—at least, I do not consider it forgiveness. I now view the forgive-and-forget process as transcending above an offense and releasing any power, including negative thoughts, that it has over me.

When I am struggling with being forgiving, I reflect on the following Scriptures. In these words I find solace. I remember my own shortcomings and I remember the greatest act of forgiveness has already been extended to me.

By these words I am humbled. I am led to love, to forgive, to forget … to bless as I too am blessed.

1. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8 NIV)
2. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13 NIV)
3. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV)
4. “The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him.” (Daniel 9:9 NIV)

What is your definition of forgiveness? What is your go-to Bible Verse when you need to be forgiving? Please share your thoughts in the comments section, I’d love to hear from you.