Quiet, Shy or Introverted?

I have a quiet, mellow nature. It is often mistaken for shyness. We use these words interchangeably.  If I am quiet, then I must be shy. Or if I am shy, then I am quiet.

Right? Not necessarily.

It turns out that I am an introvert which is often misconstrued as quiet or shy. Introversion is a temperament, a personality trait, best compared with extroversion and ambiversion. These three traits lie on a continuum that describe our social tendencies and energy sources.

Jennifer Kahnweiler, author of The Introverted Leader, puts it this way: “Think of your energy as if it were a battery. Extroverts charge their batteries by being with people. Introverts charge their batteries by going within and taking time alone.”

So I am an introvert all of the time — at work, at home and at play.

In some situations I am quietly absorbing the conversation and the ambience. I will chime in once and a while with my questions and comments. And other times I can be a chatty Kathy — talking up a storm. These moments are rare, however, and usually catch people off guard.

Where I am going with all of this?

This is my point … understanding your temperament is an important factor in living and leading with excellence. Self-awareness is the foundation of social intelligence and emotional intelligence. When you know who you are, you can manage and maximize how you show up in every social engagement— at work, at home and at play.

I first learned about the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator over 20 years ago. It was a featured professional development lunch and learn at my workplace. That is when I discovered my personality type is INFJ.

This stands for Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Judging, and is the rarest of 16 personality types. In fact, only 1% of all people will fall into this category.

But I’m with good company. It is said that Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, Jr., Jimmy Carter and Nelson Mandela also have INFJ personality types.

Armed with this information, I gained the tools to improve my social interactions. I learned about myself, about others and how to get along. I learned about my preferences, the preferences of others and how to meld those interests for fulfilling life experiences.

If only I used these tools more often. I believe I would have avoided certain mishaps. Yet, mistakes are learning opportunities. They provide an ongoing mechanism for us to evaluate and improve.

Knowledge, application and improvement go hand-in-hand. As a leadership and lifestyle coach, I observe this cycle repeatedly in action with my clients. It has also drawn more attention to my behavior and interactions because coaching others often requires that I share a personal story to support my clients’ personal growth.

After all, when you know better you should do better.

With a renewed focus on my temperament, one of my goals is to ensure that my introverted character is a strength, not a weakness. It is my responsibility to know when I need to push myself in certain social engagements and when I need to pull back and recharge.

It is also my responsibility to reflect on the temperaments and needs of others always striving for harmony and balance. Always striving to advance the relationship rather than retreating for selfish reasons.

Whether I am quiet or shy, know that it is purposeful. I am turning inside momentarily for a better, more fulfilling and greatly rewarding social interactions. That is the benefit of being self aware to enjoy better, more fulfilling and greatly rewarding relationships.

If you are interested in learning more about my journey as an introverted leader, join me for a free webinar on June 13.

I’m spilling the beans on some of my leadership mistakes. These were some sink or swim moments that allowed me to strengthen my leadership skills and soar to greater success. Register today.

What is your personality type and how does it impact your personal relationships? Please share your thoughts in the comments section, I’d love to hear from you.